


Curiosity killed the cat

by Itherael



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amon's curiosity is going to be his death (quite literally), Author finished the story while drunk so it has been fixed... kinda, It was supposed to be a 5+1 and it ended up being a 6+1, M/M, Pining... sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-11 07:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8970118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itherael/pseuds/Itherael
Summary: Of all the things a ghoul can inspire something in Amon, curiosity isn’t one.

 
  Or, the 6 times Amon thought of things he wanted to ask the Eyepatch ghoul, and the one time he couldn’t think of anything.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Half_SubmergedinPurgatory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/gifts).



> Fun thing: I forgot a good part of the TG manga (after re-reading Ilegenes 4 times it was bound to happen) and there might be some inaccuracies so forgive me.
> 
> Still, (late) Merry Christmas!

1.

Of all the things a ghoul can inspire something in Amon, curiosity isn’t one.

Sure, they have awakened many emotions in the investigator, but none of them could be considered healthy, or somewhat positive towards them. He can’t help it, really; there had been many factors that had lead to this point in his life, and it feels too late to start changing his opinion towards any ghoul.

But…

But Eyepatch happened.

A ghoul that had let him live despite the fact he was in obvious advantage, and had begged him to escape. A ghoul that _begged him to not let him become a murderer_.

_What kind of ghoul lets their enemy escape?_ It could have been so easy to kill the investigator, but he _didn’t_.

He wonders what the ghoul was thinking, and _how much he hates this fact_ , the curiosity is eating him alive.

_What did he mean when he said “_ don’t let me become a murderer” _? How did he managed to control the hunger? Why did he **cry**?_

He hates it, and tries his hardest to ignore it.

He can’t.

 

2.

His curiosity continues to grow the more time passes, much to his displeasure. Eyepatch is an enigma, one that begs to be unraveled.

Most of the things he wants to ask now are his involvement in certain events. _Why were you there during the Aogiri Raid? Were you really the one who attacked the Ghoul restaurant?_

The more he thinks about the Eyepatch ghoul, the more questions arises. _What are your motivations? Are you working alone? What’s the goal you’re trying to reach for?_

The questions, of course, are only work related this time, and his curiosity is totally justified (or that’s what he likes to tell himself).

_Why were you there_ that _night? Are you working with Rabbit?_

_How much would have changed if you hadn’t been there to stop me?_

It’s only work related. Eyepatch is nothing more than a criminal that should be interroga-... _eliminated_ on sight.

His curiosity isn’t eating him alive.

(It is)

 

3.

Here’s the thing.

He knows he’s dying. He knows there’s nothing he can’t do about it.

Here’s another.

His last wish is to not let Eyepatch become a murderer.

_What have you done to me, Eyepatch? What’s so important about you that I need to keep that promise?_

It’s ridiculous, to say at least, that his last thoughts are related to the ghoul that led him to this very situation (a missing arm, bleeding out, _alone_ ), but at the same time it’s not surprising. Eyepatch had been haunting his existence ever since that fateful night so long ago, with the need of answers and never ending curiosity that the ghoul had awakened in him.

He liked to think that the feeling was mutual, if anything, the ghoul had asked his name in a polite way. Amon wonders if the panicked call of his name had been a product of his imagination before losing consciousness or if the ghoul was indeed worried about him.

The pain was becoming unbearable, the Arata armor unforgiving despite his current state ( _eat, eat, eat_ ), and the cold embrace of unconsciousness ( _death, I'm going to die but I **can't**_ ) was becoming more and more alluring, but… _But_.

Amon was stubborn, and he had promised Eyepatch that he would not become a murderer.

_What would you say, Eyepatch, if I asked you to tell me your story?_

He needs to survive. He has to.

(He doesn’t)

 

4.

Being under _her_ care brings things to a whole new perspective.

It’s hilarious, being in this situation, the same one _he_ has been, and surprisingly, it brings the answers he has been asking himself for a long, long time. He finally begins to understand Eyepa-… _Kaneki Ken’s_ past actions and perhaps some of his motivations, and he receives the story he has longed. It’s not a happy one.

(Amon hates that it’s _she_ the one who tells him the tale of Eyepatch, and not Eyepatch himself)

But it also bring a new set of questions, questions he now know will never get their answers.

_How did you felt when you became_ this _? Were you afraid?_

_How did you control the hunger?_

Because he now feels it too, feels the _raw need of feeding_ and the _disgusting_ taste of the food he once used to _love._

_Did you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself as much as I hate myself now?_

(He’s deemed as a failure and he only **laughs.**

It doesn’t stop her from making him her favorite plaything)

But this also helps (and he can’t believe he’s saying this, how much it makes him _hate himself more than he already was_ ), because now his curiosity is more than justified. Eyepatch had used to be human, just like himself, and Amon has finally the reason to excuse the need to know more about the other.

It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

His very nature was in contradiction to his morals, and the constant battle between them leaves him more exhausted than _her_ sessions more often than not.

_Did you accept yourself? Did you embrace the **monster** you had become?_

Her laugh brings him back to reality, and their game starts again.

(It doesn’t stop until he’s gasping, bleeding at her feet.

He never begs for mercy)

 

5.

With too much free time, he wanders.

His… "death" had brought him a new freedom, without the workload of a past life, without the responsibilities of his past self. It feels like time has stopped, and he’s for once the spectator of the life of thousands of others, seeing them go on with their lives from the sidelines.

He feels like he should feel bored. He doesn’t.

The ghosts of his past and the demons of today, the hunger and the hunt are his constant companions, and that’s enough to keep him awake and aware of everything, _always_.

But there’s also a new factor, a new found sympathy for someone once considered an enemy.

_What kind of books did you like to read?_

He still felt guilty of the relief that brought knowing that Eyepatch had once been a human like himself, but it had become slowly more bearable the more he walked into the same shoes as Eyepatch had.

It had become easier to relate to the half ghoul, to learn more of his struggle the more time passed, and just like before, it brought more questions. This time, instead of work related or at death’s doorstep, it had brought a refreshing change, and this new humanity in Eyepatch had brought a new set of more personal questions.

_What did you liked to eat when you were still human?_

_What kind of person you were to inspire such loyalty from Nagachika?_

_What did you feel the first time when you ate…_

It felt sort of comforting to have someone who had undergone a similar procedure as himself, unwillingly just because of the sick desires of a doctor. Comforting, yes, but he still knew that all those questions would never get their much needed answers.

It’s better than nothing.

Having a purpose, although no matter how aimless it was, it was important.

One day he would get those so much needed answers.

He just needed to wait.

 

6.

Eh… how naive he had been.

The universe seemed to be against him, no matter how hard he fought against destiny, it would still bring him back to the same point.

Defeated, half crazed, barely clutching to one last hope.

He had known, coming to Rushima Island had been a mistake, a mistake too great he had now to pay. Pay in blood and tears, like many things in his life.

It was now a laughable matter, being defeated by a bunch of kids. Kids that had been once under Sasaki Haise, _Kaneki Ken, **Eyepatch’s**_ command.

_Eh… you did a good job with them,_ and he's surprised at this, how inexplicably proud he feels of what Eyepatch has done with this kids, training them to become this team.

And now, when the end was apparent, when his defeat was so close, when his madness had stepped away just to give him his last moments with his mind fully his…

_Do you feel proud of them, Eyepatch? Taking down a crazed kakuja by themselves?_

He had finally reached the answer he had looked for so long.

Yonebayashi had reminded him of his young self, she was fighting for what she considered her family just like he had fought for what he had considered his last sanctuary. Oh, if he could have laughed… If the very action of trying to stay sane long enough for this wasn't such a struggle...

“Because… I thought it was the right thing to do”

_Did you thought the same, Eyepatch?_

_**The world is twisted…** _

“I’m… about to lost it… please, at this rate…”

_**Don’t let me… become a murderer.** _

_Ah… so this is what you felt…_

When her kagune buried him, Amon finally felt peace.

 

 

+1

It had taken a long time, though.

The war, the massacre, the mutual losses and the blood shed. How many things both sides had lost? How much would never be recovered? How much would be buried, how many hopes had been crushed?

But a new age of peace had been reached. Through blood, pain and tears, but every sacrifice had felt worthy.

Now Amon Koutarou sat in a coffee shop, a warm cup of coffee in his hand and the inquisitive look of the owned of said shop burning holes in his skull. He didn’t deserve better, but at least she hadn’t tried to kill him yet.

It took time to make this meeting possible, and not even in his wildest dreams Amon would have thought it could have possibly become real. Too many variables had ended against him in the past, and he didn’t dare to feel any hope that this time would be any different.

But when a young man with an eyepatch, slightly blushing and stammering in his words had finally make his appearance, Amon’s mind had become blank.

He couldn’t think of a single thing to ask to the young man in front of him.

How many times he had dreamed of this encounter? How many times had he imagined the things he would say, the things he would ask?

Everything had turn into nothing, and his mind had refused to cooperate.

“I… have waited for so long for this” the shy smile, those grey eyes evading his gaze. “I have so many things I want to ask you…”

It was ok. Amon would have other occasions to ask his own questions.

This time, he would be the one to answer them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please for the love of Akarat read Ilegenes
> 
> Also my birthday is coming soon so we shall see what kind of self-indulgent story I'll come with this time.
> 
> [iterael](http://iterael.tumblr.com) @ tumblr


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